A Glorious Idea for the Summer

Have you dreamed that one day the future would, in fact, be now? Pined for the time when everyone could teleport into their jetpack and go to work? Yearned for the hour we could sign our credit card receipts with lasers from the eyes of our pet rabbit? Awaited the sensation of a short, sharp, shock from a virtual reality death penalty simulator?

Friends, this is what occupies my mind at all times. In my consciousness, ideas are picked ripe from fusion trees and sing odes to the richness of nanite-made apple pie. They also occasionally forget to look both ways before walking into traffic, but that's how the bad ideas weed themselves out.

I only tell you these things in order for you to appreciate how amazingly devoted to the future my mind is. To hold in awe the incident energy of my raw psyche, as reflected in streams of luminous, optical linguistics. To understand how amazed you should be when this glorious brain, resplendent in the finest daydreams, has realized an idea so disruptive, so brilliant, that even ideas of roller-blading tanks seems like a loaf of plain bread. (Well okay, that idea is still quite interesting, so perhaps a hovering loaf of plain bread that cuts itself, butters itself, and eats itself. ... I'll have to add that one to my list, too)

I had the idea just the other minute, and have not yet had time to find where my lab assistant is. This means you get to find out about it first, internet! I used to always dream of ways to conquer the world. After several intensive months in therapy and the support of my many friends, I have been cured of that habit and now only wish to improve it. And what could be better than hitting the hard problems of this age, like feelings of ennui in first-world countries. And we're going to cure it! Tell me, what do you know about...

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RAINBOWS?

That's right, rainbows! They're so colorful and shiny, you can hardly take your eyes off of them when they come out in the sky. Not to mention how deLIGHTful they are! (I regret nothing)

Obviously rainbows are the solution to feeling bored in any poor, upper-middle-class suburb. The real issue that no one has been able to solve so far, however, is HOW TO GET THEM THERE ON DEMAND. That's where my invention comes in. You see, contrary to popular belief and claims of many leading scientists, rainbows are not in fact living organisms. They do not eat, sleep, or mate in the feathers of peacocks. They are just lots of little artistic water droplets that got together and decided to reflect light. My device replicates these very things in miniature.

First, I will need my assistant to gather the finest water from pompous art museums. Once placed inside a reinforced titanium reservoir, this artistic water is propelled at high speed and pressure through a Vaporization Chamber. This chamber creates small water droplets at regular intervals and uses the existing pressure of the water to shoot them into the air at rapid speeds. Once the water has sufficiently permeated the surrounding air, a special solar reflector beams sunlight directly into the target area. (At night this becomes more difficult, and I am considering trying to use one of my old death rays I still have lying around. Both sunlight and death rays are just forms of radiation, and I'm sure the water can handle it fine. Maxwell, if you're reading this before I find you, grab a pair of Deathray-proof sunglasses just in case, alright?)

If my theory holds, this special recreation of the rainbowic environment will produce a tame, miniature rainbow that can utterly relieve all worries from senators interested in large-scale funding for this project. Perhaps even their well-to-do taxpayers!

I need to go find my assistant and start this experiment. Goodbye internet! When you see a rainbow in the sky, think of my endeavors. Do not think of my endeavors when you see unfortunate explosions and firetrucks rushing to the scene.

-Corvik